Well, that was a bit different. Five days in total silence apart from praying aloud at Mass and talking to a priest for half an hour each day if you wanted to. A culture shock. However, after an initial spiritual wobble in the first 24 hours, it was a fantastic experience and one that I recommend.
It was an Ignatian retreat led by 79-year-old Jesuit priest Father John Edwards. We followed the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius condensed into four full days and two half-days. After the first conference on the Monday evening, I wondered what on earth I was doing there. Five days precious holiday from work just to be silent and engage in intense prayer. Why was I not at home in the pub or watching Wimbledon? How am I going to keep this up until Saturday morning? I discovered over lunch before we left that most of the other lay retreatants had the same feelings.
Father William Massie, who organised the retreat, had been on at me for months, strongly encouraging me to take the week off and give it a go. Reluctantly, I sorted it out although, in my heart of hearts, I really didn't want to make the commitment. But after about 24 hours I settled down.
There were nine of us in total, six laymen and three priests (including Fr John), and Catholic and Loving It came for the day on Friday. Each day consisted of two conferences, a number of periods of meditation, Mass, and meal times. The rest of the day was your own, although silence and solitude were the "laboratory conditions" recommended to discern what the Holy Spirit is saying. So, no TV, pubs, cinema talking etc. The only time you heard friends speak was when they read as Mass. It is a hard task for many of us to get through.
However, Hornsea, a picturesque East Yorkshire coastal town, is ideal for quiet walks along the sea front. The only problem is, of course, Yorkshire people are so friendly they start a conversation with you as they walk their dogs. I also went out for a run each afternoon. Walking on the beach did make me chuckle as I was reminded of those kind of school day retreats or "reflection days" where that "footprints" story was read out and we were all supposed to be bowled over by. This retreat was millions of miles ahead of that.
The meditations are centered around asking for a particular grace each time. In these periods of prayer you can expect thoughts of both desolation and consolation which are useful to jot down. The first 24 hours was focused on the basics: a preparatory prayer, principle and foundation. The grace to ask for, a great way to start any period of prayer, was:
I ask Our Lord God for grace that all my intentions, actions and operations may be ordained solely to the service and praise of His Divine Majesty.
During the first half of the week, we asked for the grace to be ashamed and confused about our sins, for great pain and tears for them and not to be deaf to God's call. As the retreat progressed, we focused on the grace for an interior knowledge of Christ by experiencing his infancy and public life before entering into the Passion narratives to experience a sense of sorrow for his pains for us. As I was hoping, towards the end, we moved on to the Resurrection and the grace to be intensely glad and rejoice in such great joy and glory of Christ the risen Lord. The retreat ended with a focus on an interior knowledge of the great benefits received in life in order that we may love and serve Our Lord. In each of these phases, specific texts were recommended for reflection.
Fr John's conferences were powerful in many parts. He reassured us that we couldn't go wrong with the retreat, however much we thought the prayer wasn't going too well. He had some intriguing interpretations of some of the Gospel narratives, including the calling of Levi and the woman with a bad name who anointed and kissed Jesus and was forgiven.
On the Sacrament of Confession, he said that receiving absolution was like un-nailing Jesus from the Cross. Christ comes bursting in and says "follow me" as opposed to enrolling us on a long remedial apprenticeship towards a full relationship with him again. He described the sacrament as a court, where the defendant is the prosecution, both the judge and jury are God and where the verdict is already determined as "case dismissed".
He talked about the difference between enclosed religious and those of us living and working in the secular world. He described an enclosed order of nuns or monks as a "witness to the kingdom established" but that people working in secular institutes are God's "undercover agents".
Just like the stereotypical Catholic, I'm not really up on scripture. Very rarely do I read the Bible and, sometimes, I find it difficult to tune in to the readings at Mass. But the retreat allowed for lots of steady, silent, guided scripture meditation which opened up no end of doors. It's amazing how much you miss from accounts of the Passion, for instance. Never had I registered the fact that in Mark's account of the Passion, a young man runs away naked when Jesus is arrested. Many commentators think that was Mark himself. In another example, I only recently realised about the "holy men" who are immediately resurrected from the dead when Jesus dies on the Cross. To pick up these details and spending time pondering on the characters in the narratives is a thoroughly worthwhile thing to do.
This devoted prayer around the Bible simply blows you away with particular bits of scripture. When asking for the Grace to "be intensely glad and rejoice in such great glory of Christ, Our Lord", I read Romans 8. I was taking notes throughout the week but, in this instance, found myself virtually writing the whole thing out.
"Those who are living by their natural inclinations have their minds on the thing human nature desires; those who live in the spirit have their minds on spiritual things. And human nature has nothing to look forward to but death, while the spirit looks forward to life and peace, because the outlook of disordered human nature is opposed to God, since it does not submit to God's Law and indeed it cannot, and those who live by their natural inclinations can never be pleasing to God... So then, my brothers, we have no obligation to human nature to be dominated by it." An important message for us Catholics in the secular world.
These kinds of things jump out at you on a retreat. As Fr John said, if you invited one of you friends to such an event, many of them "would think you were out of your mind". But, for any young Catholic serious about their faith, I would encourage them to try out something like this at least once in their life. Although very challenging, it's very spiritually edifying and deepens your relationship with God. It takes a lot of commitment, especially if you work, but the rewards are plentiful. Why not give it a go?